listen
Examine what is said, not him who speaks - Arabic proverb
Conversation. It’s all muddled these days it seems.
This is the way it supposed to work.
Person one talks.
Person two listens. They look at person one. Nod from time to time. They actually process the words in the air. (Person two should not look at their phone, or wander away, or watch tv during this time).
Person one either pauses, stops or asks a question.
Person two responds with insight directly linked to the ideas of person one.
Both people share emotion appropriate for the topic.
Repeat.
It’s simple. Yet, it seems people seem to be stubborn and locked into past events. All previous experiences and feelings are locked, closing the ability to listen to another person’s points of view. Far too often we weave the words being spoken to us, with the person voicing them or previous learned ideals. As soon as someone opens their mouths, our minds are hijacked to previous experiences with that person and their words are soured and stained by those past interactions. There has been a lot of research lately on conversation. In this fast paced world, agendas drown out the meaning of authentic conversations. Too often we make flippant assumptions about someone’s intent in their words without really listening.
And I get it. Especially in 2017. Some people may have offended to a level where you can’t muster up any energy to listen anymore. I’m not talking about those people. I’m not talking about conversations based on topics very close to you. It’s the every day things. With people in your circle.
So just listen. I have to explicitly teach listening to my students. We adults are sometimes not the greatest models. Interrupting when in a rush. Talking while texting. Eyes distracted by a screen.
When done correctly; when mutually respectful and genuine interest is shown, one might talk all night. Disagreements can be had, debates can occur and a great amount of knowledge shared. These are the best conversations. And no one feels hurt, or angry or betrayed, regardless of whether there were agreements of not.
Being a story teller, I often want to share my stories that link to the theme shared in conversation. I don’t do this at all with intentions to bring the attention to me. Rather, I hope to deepen the meanings and bring more diversity to the paragraphs we create together. Good friends are great listeners and share great insight. I feel though, that many need a reminder as to what “listening” really is. It’s not just hearing what is being said, but also linking your own experiences and ideas to what has been said. Further, it’s asking questions when you lack in experiences and showing appropriate emotion, (empathy, joy, sadness, excitement), as the listening goes on. Anyone who knows me knows I could talk all day and night. Bring on the conversations! I’m ready to listen!
This is the way it supposed to work.
Person one talks.
Person two listens. They look at person one. Nod from time to time. They actually process the words in the air. (Person two should not look at their phone, or wander away, or watch tv during this time).
Person one either pauses, stops or asks a question.
Person two responds with insight directly linked to the ideas of person one.
Both people share emotion appropriate for the topic.
Repeat.
It’s simple. Yet, it seems people seem to be stubborn and locked into past events. All previous experiences and feelings are locked, closing the ability to listen to another person’s points of view. Far too often we weave the words being spoken to us, with the person voicing them or previous learned ideals. As soon as someone opens their mouths, our minds are hijacked to previous experiences with that person and their words are soured and stained by those past interactions. There has been a lot of research lately on conversation. In this fast paced world, agendas drown out the meaning of authentic conversations. Too often we make flippant assumptions about someone’s intent in their words without really listening.
And I get it. Especially in 2017. Some people may have offended to a level where you can’t muster up any energy to listen anymore. I’m not talking about those people. I’m not talking about conversations based on topics very close to you. It’s the every day things. With people in your circle.
So just listen. I have to explicitly teach listening to my students. We adults are sometimes not the greatest models. Interrupting when in a rush. Talking while texting. Eyes distracted by a screen.
When done correctly; when mutually respectful and genuine interest is shown, one might talk all night. Disagreements can be had, debates can occur and a great amount of knowledge shared. These are the best conversations. And no one feels hurt, or angry or betrayed, regardless of whether there were agreements of not.
Being a story teller, I often want to share my stories that link to the theme shared in conversation. I don’t do this at all with intentions to bring the attention to me. Rather, I hope to deepen the meanings and bring more diversity to the paragraphs we create together. Good friends are great listeners and share great insight. I feel though, that many need a reminder as to what “listening” really is. It’s not just hearing what is being said, but also linking your own experiences and ideas to what has been said. Further, it’s asking questions when you lack in experiences and showing appropriate emotion, (empathy, joy, sadness, excitement), as the listening goes on. Anyone who knows me knows I could talk all day and night. Bring on the conversations! I’m ready to listen!
